I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
