Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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