I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
