I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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