Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How does one acquire holy water?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
