I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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