there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
