Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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