So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
