you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
