i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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