i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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