hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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