Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
