walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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