life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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