Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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