I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
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That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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