This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
