Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am midnight drunk by noon
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
