I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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