I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
