I skipped work to stalk him.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
