who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
