did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
