Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
