You made me cry and you don't even care
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
