wrigley field is MILF paradise
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
