We're facebook friends in real life
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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