I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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