he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
How external is "for external use only"?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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