I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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