So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
