We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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