You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
