The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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