i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
