WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
