accomplished twins. life is a go
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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