My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
