Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
