I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
how does that bad decision feel?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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