why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I forget how to act sober
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