U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
