Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
