my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
