sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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