like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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