We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
