Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
