when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
