Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
