I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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