i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
