The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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