remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
