Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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