Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
