I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
being pregnant is like rehab
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
