he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
