You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
