Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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