Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She is in my trunk
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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