Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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