and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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