I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
