I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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