if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
