2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
