I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
