careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
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An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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