I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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