is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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